Not for his house, but for the team headquarters where he’ll spend more time than anywhere else the next several years.
“I’ve talked to Sheila about this,” Campbell told the “Pardon My Take” podcast on Monday. “I don’t think we’re going to be able to do it, but I would love to literally just have a pet lion. Just a legit pet lion on a chain, a big-ass chain. And he just, he really is my pet.”
So … questions.
I’ll go ahead and ask mine first:
1. Campbell calls the Lions’ owner “Sheila?”
2. What is a non-legit pet lion?
3. Could the lion suit up and play defense?
If you consider that male lions go close to 400 pounds and stand nearly 6 feet 8 on their hind legs, the interior of the defensive line makes sense. Who knows, Levi Onwuzurike might enjoy rushing the quarterback with a lion at his side. He did say he wanted to (expletive) (expletive) up when he got to Detroit.
What about the playbook, you ask?
Good point. Campbell’s defensive coordinator, Aaron Glenn, might have to simplify it, assuming the lion didn’t play much football on the savannah. But he could surely chase a quarterback.
ROOKIE MISTAKE?: Campbell kicks off his tenure with a couple of questionable calls
And if he couldn’t be bothered? (Because, you know, he’s still a cat.) His presence would still motivate, which seemed to be Campbell’s idea.
“We (would) just walk around the building. We go out to practice. We’re in seven-on-seven. We’re behind the kicker when he’s kicking. We’re just … there we are.”
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Now, I know what you’re thinking: What better way to welcome a new kicker. If nothing else, it would give Randy Bullock a few things to think about if he misses.
Can you imagine? Campbell standing behind you holding a big-ass chain that’s attached to a big-ass lion? Watching you kick footballs?
Sure, you can. You just never said it out loud. But your new Lions coach just did. It’s one of his most endearing traits.
Not that you worried your coach was afraid to speak his mind.
He is not.
Like he did Sunday when he admitted he waited too long to reach out to other teams about joint scrimmages during camp later this summer. And like when he explained why he didn’t have a quarterback during mini camp.
“We feel like we’re in a good spot there,” he said. “With that, why waste one of those spots on somebody that we knew wasn’t going to be here? We would rather use one of those spots and let’s bring in a tight end, let’s bring in a defensive back, let’s bring in a corner. Let’s get eyes on somebody we think can make this roster.”
Sounds reasonable. Except some didn’t think so — you know who you are. Which demands another question:
Do you really want to quibble with a coach who might show up to a news conference with his pet lion?
I didn’t think so.
[ Lions rookies explain choice of jersey numbers ]
Campbell isn’t convinced he will get his pet lion. He’s worried PETA might not approve, though he swears he would treat the lion like family and love him and show him affection. He also worried it could be dangerous.
“I might end up losing an arm,” he said.
Which would be worth it, he added, if the Lions won a Super Bowl.
It would certainly be worth it to you. It’s not your arm.
Why are you being selfish?
Your coach is not. He’s telling you how much he will sacrifice to win. How far he is willing to go to motivate.
And if the good folks who make the rules about man-eating animals don’t make an exception for housing a lion in Allen Park? Campbell has plenty more ideas. Like installing a stuffed sheep near the practice entrance and then urging his players to ignore it because Lions don’t worry about sheep.
[ Lions WR Amon-Ra St. Brown: ‘I’m ready to take someone’s job’ ]
Well, an actual lion might, assuming the sheep hadn’t gotten to the taxidermist yet. Who doesn’t enjoy a bit of lamb? Perhaps braised in ale and herbs or brined and grilled?
But, back to the symbolism, and the image Campbell wants to instill, and how much he’d love his lion to saunter over to a group of struggling players, take a squat, and “take a dump.”
Talk about a metaphor.
“I mean, think about it,” he joked. “It’d be outstanding.”
Think about it indeed.
If a player jumps offsides in practice, he gets the shovel and a giant doggy bag. Same for the quarterback when he throws an interception. And cornerbacks when they interfere. And offensive linemen when they hold.
Sounds glorious, no?
A lion motivating a Lion. It’s worth a shot.
Contact Shawn Windsor: 313-222-6487 or swindsor@freepress.com. Follow him on Twitter @shawnwindsor.