FOXBOROUGH, Mass. — Five games into this season, the Detroit Lions are irrelevant.
A punchline to an old, familiar joke.
Before the freakin’ Halloween decorations are even up.
Again.
“It’s just about as bad as it gets,” Lions coach Dan Campbell said Sunday after the New England Patriots punked the Lions, 29-0. “I believe we hit rock bottom.”
Clearly, he’s still new around here.
“So now the only place to go is back up,” Campbell said.
Woah. Gotta stop you there, Coach. Love the optimism but it seems misplaced.
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What evidence do we have that this team can start to climb up?
The Lions motto could be: We are an organization without a ladder, elevator or escalator — anything that rises above the basement.
“It was the worst of the season overall as a team and, you know, that falls on me,” Campbell said. “That’s 100% on me.”
I’m so sick of hearing Campbell blame himself. The first few times, it was refreshing. But now?
It makes me want to scream: “All right! Do something about it!”
Campbell has to start showing us something.
The players love him. So do the fans — at least they used to. Heck, I find him to be one of the most refreshingly honest coaches I’ve ever covered. He’s a good dude, the kind you want to succeed.
But that’s not good enough.
At some point, it’s not about fun, crazy, motivational quotes. It’s not about winning the press conference or even being the star of “Hard Knocks.” It’s about preparing your team and winning games you should win — and playing against Bailey Zappe, a rookie starting his first game certainly qualifies.
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“They had a good game plan for him,” Campbell said, of Zappe. “They didn’t do anything too exotic. And they were able to stay ahead of the sticks. They were very efficient. They gave him some easy throws. … It’s credit to them putting that game plan together.”
Do you realize who he was giving credit to?
Matt Patricia.
Which feels like pouring salt in a massive, half-century old wound.
The Patricia storyline was fun and moderately interesting. But this didn’t feel like a Patricia win. Scoring 22 points against the Lions defense — kicking five field goals and getting a single offensive touchdown does not deserve applause.
All Patricia did was draw up was a conservative game plan, putting his quarterback in position to make plays and not hurt them.
That’s not exactly revolutionary.
“I thought our defense was better,” Campbell said.
Maybe. But I’m not so sure.
It was better because the Patriots played so conservative, holding the ball, eating clock and limiting chances.
The Patriots had the sense to take care of the ball and won.
The Lions tried that, started coughing up the ball, couldn’t convert a fourth down, made a bunch of mistakes and lost.
What does great coaching look like?
Now, let’s go to the winning side. To see what winning coaches do.
Before this game, many were wondering who would the Patriots try to take away?
It turned out to be tight end T.J. Hockenson.
“Obviously, Hockenson, one of the top tight ends in the league, really focused on him,” Patriots coach Bill Belichick said.
After Hockenson caught eight passes for 179 yards and two touchdowns against Seattle, the Patriots shut him down, limiting him to one catch for 6 yards.
“For me even to get out on a route was tough,” Hockenson said. “Their ends were not too worried about the rush and were just hammering me.”
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That’s what a great coach does.
And it’s what the Lions are missing. They don’t take anything away.
Listen to what Jared Goff said about the Patriots: “They’re just so sound,” he said “They have a really good idea of how you’re trying to attack them offensively and their players are very smart, and then they’re good players, too.”
Has anyone ever said that about the Lions?
Of course not.
Now, I’m not saying Campbell should be fired a month into his second season, while his general manager is doing a long-term rebuild.
But the concern level is off the charts right now.
But at some point, you have to put substance behind the quotes.
And what the Lions showed on Sunday was concerning.
A good coach prepares a team to handle adversity and gets his players to play with consistency.
But this Lions team is like a yo-yo. One game, they can’t be stopped. The next game, they can’t do anything right.
It just doesn’t make sense.
If this team played a clean game and lost, that would be one thing. But there were so many mistakes that it was pathetic. And right now, after coaching 22 games for the Lions, Campbell has a 4-17-1 record.
Which says everything.
Regression to the … bottom?
Yes, the Lions have excuses. They have all kinds of injuries. Amon-Ra St. Brown was playing at, according to him, 85%. When Saivion Smith was injured, it was gut-wrenching. Then, when all the other defensive backs starting dropping, it was almost unbelievable.
But that doesn’t explain 29-0.
That doesn’t explain 1-4.
To be fair, I didn’t expect this team to be in the playoffs this year.
And maybe, some will say: You gotta have patience.
I would, if I saw progress. But this was a massive regression, concerning at every level, and the Lions have wasted a chance to start the season hot.
Now, they are entering a portion of the schedule that screams: “Watch out, here comes the boom!”
Dallas, Miami, Green Bay?
You think they have hit rock bottom?
Let’s talk in a month.
Contact Jeff Seidel: jseidel@freepress.com. Follow him on Twitter @seideljeff. To read his recent columns, go to www.freep.com/sports/jeff-seidel